Beirdo

Dennis’ beard was forged deep in the underbelly of a West Virginia coal mine.  Its mother gestated it for 3 years before it was perfectly birthed in an undisclosed Cracker Barrel gift shop.  The mother died shortly after from complications due to the Beard going through puberty in the birth canal.

Kevin’s beard formed in a top secret laboratory after incubating in an agar made of Tabasco sauce an…d unrefined gasoline for 72 hours after being spliced with wooly mammoth DNA.  It was instructed to be destroyed but it over took its captors and fled thru the sewer system.  While down there, it unintentionally filtered the countries drinking water. Dan’s beard was handwoven from 10 magical hairs shed by the Egyptian cat god Bast in 1100 B.C. Worn by the Pharaohs for generations as a sign of truth and power, it was lost when the Egypt empire fell. Eventually, it was unearthed and used to find the Well of Souls and defeat Nazis.

Mike Marbach’s beard was created by the dwarves deep in the Mines of Moria. In addition to strength and durability second only to mithril, the beard was also endowed with a sense of awareness by Elf Queen, Galadriel. The Beard began to disagree more and more with Mike. It then seceded from Mike’s face in an effort to find it’s own identity. Unfortunately, the dark powers jumped on the Beard in its vulnerable state and wooed it to their side. The Beard remains on the run, leaving Mike’s face bare… and heart broken.